Dear Friends and persons owing me sums of money:
My dear friend and colleague, Ann Barczay Sloan, a gifted author and a featured columnist for THE NATIONAL NETWORKER Newsletter , recently complained that I was constantly showcasing the increasingly off-color but (lamentably) hysterical jokes of Rick Itzkowich, another of our colleagues. Rick is, arguably a cesspool of profane humor. But Ann would never, ever stoop to Rick's level... or would she?
People like Rick and Ann make me wonder why any business person would join the GICBC we call THE NATIONAL NETWORKER (but nonetheless, you can join for free at http://twitlik.com/IN ). Networking is supposed to be a serious business. I reaffirm my belief that networking, if it results in friendships, business relationships and (forgive me) humor, is something to be avoided at all costs.
*MY KEYS TO NETWORKING SUCCESS*
I believe that networking is very simple. I go to lots of meetings, give out my business cards to everyone I meet, collect their business cards, make certain to make eye contact, always offer a firm handshake, and be certain to keep my legs closely together when seated. After these events, I put rubber bands around the cards I've collected and misplace them. Then I remove my clip-on tie, change out of my polyester (100%!) dress-up suit, get into my uniform and report for my "interim job" as a nighttime security guard at a fertilizer packaging company. I am going to sell my own "Douglas Castle's Keys to Networking Success" CD series door-to-door when I've been able to raise sufficient capital to record a master. I also have to network my way in with someone who can let me borrow a car. - Douglas Castle
p.s. In my networking, I only look for people who might have something to offer me (like a spirulina MLM opportunity), and I never, ever offer to help them with anything so as not to disappoint them with unrealistic expectations.
But I digress...
I will not dignify Ann Sloan's distasteful joke with a posting!
A woman starts dating a married doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they
don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give
birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the
woman,
"I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell
him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks.
"It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the
priest.
After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe
this.".!
"What?" asks the priest, "what happened?".
"You gave birth to a child!".
"But that's impossible!" says the priest.
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth.
One day, he sits the boy down and says,
"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."
The son says,
"What do you mean, you're not my father?"
The priest replies,
"I am your mother. The archbishop is your father."
# # #
Faithfully yours,
Douglas Castle
p.s. Ann Sloan is an endless source of shame to those of us who take networking seriously. Who does she think she is, with her "follow-up" calls, and "friendly e-mails"? I am not fooled. She's lucky that she's a brilliant interviewer and a great writer, otherwise she be working in the fertilizer plant with me. I have tasted success. I have smelled it too! --DC
*Follow DOUGLAS CASTLE on TWITTER - http://twitter.com/douglascastle
*Follow DOUGLAS CASTLE on THE NATIONAL NETWORKER - http://twitter.com/TNNW_BUZZWORKS
Douglas Castle's Secret Blog Links!
DOUGLAS CASTLE
BRAINTENANCE
HUMANITAS MAXIMUS
DOUGLAS CASTLE'S INTERNAL ENERGY PLUS
THE INTERNATIONALIST PAGE
THE GLOBAL FUTURIST
TAKING COMMAND!
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1 comment:
I refuse to even indulge such witless humor with a response.
Mr. Castle should realize that networking is serious business and the key to survival in the 21st Century. It should never be taken lightly, let alone mixing in politics and/or religion.
Shame on you, Mr. Castle.
- Archbishop Fauntleroy, Our Lady of Perpetual Criticism
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