I was shocked. I was devastated. I was in a state of consternation, walking in circles and wringing my hands. I had received a letter from TNNW Featured Columnist Beth Barany advocating capital punishment -- and its target was me, personally.
Beth, an expert on writing, getting published and getting publicity for new books had said that I was demonstrating hostility, insensitivity and alienation of our entire readership (both existing and prospective) by my use of CAPITAL LETTERS in many of the various newsletters, reports, articles and publications for which I write, and that I was, in effect, PUNISHING all of the innocent by my persistent abusive of CAPITALS. I take this to mean that I should be punished for abusing capitals because I have punished others by my use of them...but will two wrongs make a right? Is that justice?
CAPITAL PUNISHMENT? Well, Beth -- that's a bit extreme (and the title of this article is incredibly misleading), but I will try to avoid the excessive use of CAPITAL LETTERS in the future if you will spare me the few years I have left. I pray the Court Of Public Opinion will let me off with a mere warning. I do not wish to face a World Court Tribunal for my liberties with the language.
Please, Beth. Find it in your heart to forgive me, and withdraw the charges.
I am generally against capital punishment (except for people I really don't like), and I did not realize that I was committing vast Literacide*.
This, Beth, is a burden which I will have to carry for the rest of my days.
To all: I am deeply sorry for my depraved indifference to your literary sensibilities. I will change. I will mend my ways. Please don't pull that stunt with the clanking chains and having those three spirits visit me in the night. I have learned my lesson.
Seasons Greetings,
Douglas Castle
http://aboutDouglasCastle.blogspot.com
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