Bonnie Ross-Parker Brings Cutting-Edge Technology to The National Networker.

JOY OF CONNECTING™ Founder, Speaker and Entrepreneur Bonnie Ross-Parker reports on a new technological development: The Kosher Computer, now being manufactured by DELL- SHALOM, an entrepreneurial start up in Tel Aviv, Israel. We at the National Networker Companies offer our heartfelt thanks to Bonnie for bringing this technological (and cultural) breakthrough to our attention:

 

 

I don't know if you know this, but you can now purchase Kosher computers! They are made in Israel by a company called DELL-SHALOM. The price is so low... even with the shipping from Israel ! However, before you purchase a kosher computer of your own, you should know that there are some important changes from the typical non-kosher computer you are used to, such as:


1) The 'Start' button has been replaced with a 'Let's go!! I'm not getting any younger!' button.

2) You hear 'Hava Nagila' during startup.

3) The cursor moves from right to left.

4) When Spell-checker finds an error it prompts, 'Is this the best you can do?' 

5) When you look at racy images, your computer says, 'If your mother knew you did this, she would die.'

6) It comes with a 'monitor cleaning solution' from Manischewitz that gets rid of all the 'schmutz und drek.'

7) When running 'Scan Disk' it prompts you with a 'You want I should fix this?' message.

8) After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC goes, 'Schloffen.'

9) The PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings. 

10) It comes with two hard drives - one for fleyshedik (business software) and one for milchedik (games).

11) Instead of getting a 'General Protection Fault' error, your PC now gets 'Ferklempt.'

12) The multimedia player has been renamed to 'Nu, so play my music already!' 

13) When your PC is working too hard, you occasionally hear a loud 'Oy Gevalt!' 

14) Computer viruses can now be cured with matzo ball soup.

16) When disconnecting external devices from the PC, you are instructed to 'Remove the cable from the PC's tuchus.'

17) After your computer dies, you have to dispose of it within 24 hours.

18) But best of all, if you have a kosher computer, you can't get SPAM..

 

Bonnie... Adam J. Kovitz (da Capo de Tutti Capi) and I (a lowly enforcer) salute you for bringing this crucial news update to the attention of our readers!

 

 

faithfully,

 

Douglas Castle

 

 

*Follow TNNW on Twitter at http://twitter.com/TNNW_BUZZWORKS
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The BLUE TUESDAY Report: December 8, 2009

THE BLUE TUESDAY REPORT: December 8, 2009 

BLUE THING #1: TNNW Surveys, Analyses and Findings

BLUE THING #2: TNNW Product/Service of the Week

BLUE THING #3: Amazing New Facts and Statistics

BLUE THING #4: This Week's Top New Stories

BLUE THING #5: Featured Company of the Week

BLUE THING #6: Featured Deal of the Week

BLUE THING #7: Most Memorable Quote of the Week

BLUE THING #8: Great Websites and Blogs to Explore

BLUE THING #9: This Week's Top Buzzed Items and Terms

BLUE THING #10: BackTalk: Comments From Our Readers

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Take THE LEDE. On Us.

THE LEDE REPORT HAS NOW BEEN ADDED TO THE NATIONAL NEWSPICKER.

It's located right next to the DRUDGE REPORT. Get the news. Grab the Gadget. Go to http://TheNationalNewspickerPage.blogspot.com

---

Subscribe to THE NATIONAL NETWORKER Newsletter and The BLUE TUESDAY Report. All great. All free. http://twitlik.com/IN.


Labels, Tags, Terms and Epithets (kidding): The Lede Report, New York Times, The National Newspicker Page, TNNW_BUZZWORKS on Twitter, TNNW,


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Subscribe Free to THE NATIONAL NETWORKER Newsletter

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Social Media Madness

SOCIAL MEDIA MADNESS
An Article written by Featured Columnist, Self-Professed Lingovationist, Hyper-Hyphenationist and Proponent of Inappropriate Conduct, Douglas Castle (http://aboutDouglasCastle.blogspot.com) for The National Networker RSS Feed and Daily Email. This article is reprinted with the express  permission of the author, who seldom denies himself permission to reprint the things which he has already published.

Dear Readers (and others who are having this brief article read to them by caring friends and family members, or by interrogators with a unique approach to torture):


What an amazing paradox. We now do more broadcasting and receiving of information than ever before, but our actual interpersonal communications, the ones that forge and strengthen the bonds of trust, are suffering. We have become so preoccupied with incoming messages and our growing obligations to respond to them, that the actual time involved in this social media/email protocol is physically and emotionally wearing us out. additionally, the actual quality of the information transmitted is deteriorating. The situation is rather like playing a high-speed game of catch with a cow pie -- indeed something is zooming back and forth, but its quality (of a sort) is deteriorating with every toss. The picture which you are about to see might not be suitable for youngsters, the elderly, people with heart conditions, diabetics, individuals with seizure disorders, or suffering from blindness:

There are people out there (and you know who you are) who are users of all of the above platforms and more. some of them have in excess of 10 separate email addresses, not including the aliases which they utilize when they are alone at home and busily surfing the web in search of the perfect adult relationship, or at least a provocatively posed, jaded model to have a "pretend" relationship with...I cannot fathom how many hours per day these people are sending and receiving signals for which they will recive no substantive benefit. When you are constantly distracted, it interferes with your creative processes and with your ability to more forward in a straight direction. I actually witnessed a woman, busily engaged in texting or emailing from her hand-held device walk into a shopping cart while exiting a local bakery (they have great tiramisu and eclairs!).

At a recent conference of proctologists, the participants were asked to turn off all of their electronic devices out of respect for the presenter. One of the attendees tried to sneak in a quick text message to his daughter during the tutorial. I cannot tell you (as I wasn't there) the events that immediately ensued, but suffice it to say that the offender was seen limping slowly down the hall, with a muffled ringing emanating from his otherwise neatly-creased trousers. Here's something that I would suggest you try. Do it for Douglas:

Take a break from the madness, and (for experimental purposes) call a friend on the telephone. Visit someone. Turn off your PDA, cellphone, Blackberry, iPhone and Wonkafone for just 20 minutes and quietly let your mind go where it chooses while you sit  on a bench or in an empty room. It is a discipline that may well be worth the effort. You may just recapture a sense of who you really are and why you are doing what you are doing. You might realize how much you miss the luxury of being alone with your thoughts.

I'd continue, but somebody's trying to reach me on Skype.

Faithfully,

Douglas Castle

p.s Links? I have some --
http://twitlik.com/DC1
http://twitlik.com/Braintenance1
http://twitlik.com/HM1
http://twitlik.com/IEP1
http://twitlik.com/Internationalist
http://twitlik.com/GlobalFuturist
http://twitlik.com/TC
http://twitlik.com/TNNWNewsletter

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COLLECTIONS! - A GREAT CAREER (Re-Post)

The irrelevant article which follows was originally published on Douglas Castle's Blog. If you enjoy it, and if you enjoy irreverent, irrelevant, and "out of the box" articles, you should get your free subscription to THE NATIONAL NETWORKER Newsletter. Just go to http://twitlik.com/OK . Castle writes for TNNW -- but if they don't get up to 50,000 subscribers by October 1st, he will have to be fired. Article url: http://twitlik.com/FireDouglas

Dear Friends:

In this wonderful era of technological achievement, de-personalization, data mining and economic desperation, the safest business to be in is... Collections! That's right -- Collections. It is possible that the collections industry is growing even more neoplastically than the "corrections" business.

With so many generous, benevolent creditors (both private sector and governmental) being hoodwinked by "payment dodgers" [indecent, cantankerous folks who refuse to honor their fiscal commitments because of a lack of character...or perhaps due to a lack of a) a job or any income, b) health or healthcare insurance, c) any savings, retirement or pension funds, d) any tax refunds from a government which is issuing its creditors IOUs and insisting that its debtors pay it in cold currency, or e) the will to continue living], they need collectors to help them to stay in business. Do you have "the calling?"

The qualifications for the position of "Collector" are easily attainable with little education required. Here they are:

1. The knowledge that the only thing that matters is COLLECTING. That the end (getting paid) justifies whatever means are necessary.

2. The ability to phone persons at all hours. If possible, strive to either wake them from a sound sleep, or try to get them, dripping wet, from the shower to run to the phone, hopefully with the thought that it might be a call about a family emergency or a Lotto win.

3. The ability to ask any question, no matter how impertinent or rude, of anybody who owes money -- because a deliquent debtor has no rights. No right to privacy, no right to respite due to hardship, and no right to use profanity when a collection professional irritates the living crap out of him.

4. The ability to be persistent, and to fill any silence with a series of rhetorical (or even philosophical inquiries), often resulting in a rather humorous "Who's On First?"- type circuitous diologue, i.e.:

Collector: "Why haven't you paid us?"
Person: "Because I don't have a job."
Collector: "Why don't you have a job?"
Person: "Because they closed the factory where I worked."
Collector: "Well you must have some money. How come you manage to pay your phone bill?"
Person: "I can't pay it. My phone service is being turned off tomorrow."
Collector: "Well then you'll have more money so you can pay us."
Person: "But that's the point. I barely have enough money to feed my kids."
Collector: "Sir. Are you aware that this is a serious matter?"
Person: "Yes. I am. But I'm a single parent, out of work, with three children to care for."
Collector: "Who told you to have those children? Whose fault is that? If you sold them on eBay, you could get some funds to settle your debt to us."
(And it goes on).

5. The strength to deal with rejection, yelling and occasional death threats.

That's it. Of course, it helps to have a depraved indifference to the circumstances and sensibilities of others, and even to Humanity as a Whole, but that isn't completely necessary --unless, of course, you're aiming for a Supervisor's position.

Faithfully,

Douglas Castle
p.s. My best regards to the Sheriff of Nottingham.


*Follow DOUGLAS CASTLE on TWITTER - http://twitter.com/douglascastle
*Follow DOUGLAS CASTLE on THE NATIONAL NETWORKER - http://twitter.com/TNNW_BUZZWORKS
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THIS IS NOT A REAL POST...IT WASN'T EVEN A REAL TWEET...

Dear Friends:

I get thousands of followers every day! My secret? I am delusional and a paranoid schizophrenic. Followers? No. Not really. Relationships are everything. Friendly, honest, complementary and field-tested relationships are the ultimate goal. Profits and happiness follow. #douglascastle #TNNW #Braintenance #IEP_VOICE #TNNW_BUZZWORKS #SrMeetUp #CowPies #GlowingThingsAtTheBottomOfPosts #PicturesOfDouglasCastle #hashtags #hashbrowns #poundsigns #_____ (fill in your own, with a crayon)

The Original Comment: "THEY'RE ALL FOLLOWING ME! ...what...you don't see them? ...."

A NOTE ABOUT HYPERLINKS:
In some of the short newsfeed postings (in particular, those from http://htxt.it/), the hyperlinks are not live. They are not dead -- no, they are merely sleeping. To awaken them, just copy them (Ctrl+C) and paste them (Ctrl+V) into your browser and press the "go" button...the sleeping link will immediately come to life and you'll be directed to the proper page so that you can read the referenced article or posting.

THE NATIONAL NETWORKER (TNNW):
PRESS OUR BUTTONS & CLICK OUR LINKS...

SWINE FLU OUTBREAK ALERT

Dear Friends:

Please take every possible precaution against contracting or transmitting the deadly Swine Flu virus. Read about what you can do. Let others know -- by email, social media, a telephone call... in any way that you can. Following is an information link:

douglascastleSWINE FLU OUTBREAK ALERT - I just finished a post on http://lifelinksiep.blogspo... about measures we should take. Please forward to all!less than 5 seconds ago from web.

Stay healthy.

Faithfully,

Douglas Castle

PRESS OUR BUTTONS!